wait…does this mean that i’m the last person on the planet to not be employed?

9 Oct

so i mainly started this blog because i am currently not working and i need a focus like a drug addict needs a fix, you know what i mean? and it just really isn’t the best time to be unemployed (is there ever really a good time to be unemployed?!?) because of what i have going on in my life. everything is up in the air, i don’t know what the hell i’m doing, and those goddamn demons have set up camp in my head and they’re loud as fuck (pipe down in there, some of us are trying to live out here!!). 

anyway, i was talking to one of my good friends franny earlier today and he was asking if i was coming down to see him. he lives a good five hours from where i’m at and i had actually really considered it when we were talking on the phone last night. he obviously took me for being serious as he texted me this morning asking if i was driving down to see him because he was going to be at work till 7pm. i laughed and said i wish because i really do wish i could but i feel like i need to do the “responsible” thing and wait around to hear if i may soon be employed or just continue living this adventurous life of an unemployed person and then it dawned on me…did he say work?!? WTF?!? what do you mean work? when did you get a job? he and i were just talking last week about the trials of looking for work as we were both now college graduates. so he went off and found a job and without me?

side note: franny, you better be reading this. i’m mentioning you in this blog. some might be flattered by that, you know? but, then again, this is you and you have yet to even read my facebook message to you…from months ago. vetch.

i didn’t really have time to respond as i was late to my therapy session and while i arrived a few minutes early, i was then able to respond. so i asked him what he was doing for work and he said he was going to be working in a school for couple of days and would then see where it went from there. i don’t think i even congratulated him. i think i sent him some stupid motivational picture which i’ve been sending to him all summer. well, i want to say it here…congratulations. but, i also want to say…fuck you if you get a job and i don’t (i know, i know…how rude of him, right?!?)

so, it made me think am i seriously the last person on the planet to be employed?! WTF man!! 

side note (again): i want to say quickly to all of those employers out there who might read this because it’s just too awesome not to but, i want you to know that i am highly employable. i want to be employed. i like being employed and i think right there sets me above some people, right?!?

back to what i was saying. am i the last person on the planet to be employed? logically i think i know the answer is no stupid but, the other less rational parts of me think…YES, YES you are. you’re the last person on the planet without a job and you’re never going to find one. dammit you demons, quiet yourself (at least for a few minutes while i do this rant all on my own, i don’t need you right now but thank you kindly). 

let me tell you something, when you’re in your own personal angst you feel like that is all there is and that you’re going to feel that way forever and that there certainly isn’t anything beyond what you’re currently feeling, a long list of things like the side effects they have to list on the bottle of drugs you’re taking. so, whether that’s true or not, that is how i feel at times and especially about this whole job extravaganza. i have tirelessly applied to jobs so much so that i am seriously a whiz at doing it now, just call me a kung-fu master (pun definitely intended since i am indeed asian). 

last week i was hanging out with one of my good friends katie (who by the way suggested that i do this blog thing) and she lives with a woman that i used to work with at my college. she was an academic adviser and a damn good one so that is why deep down i know what she said wasn’t to crush me further in this pursuit of finding life outside of college but to somehow bring me back down to earth (as if i wasn’t already pinned to it currently) when she told me that the average college graduate doesn’t find work until 6 months after they graduate. i’m pretty sure i went deaf after she said that. 6 months!!!! in 6 months my first payment for my college loan starts so uh…no…that can’t really be true? is it? i think she nodded her head multiple times but insisted that i not lose hope and that this was very normal. hm…normal. what is that anyway?

is it normal to be unemployed? is it normal to have all of your friends out there in the greener pastures of earth living their lives while i am stagnate in this dusty, brown earth of mine? okay okay i know i’m being a TAD dramatic but, i did mention earlier that i was in my personal angst and i get to feel this way? okay whatever that isn’t exactly what i said but you get the picture. never have i wanted to start my life so badly more than at any other given time and somehow i got stuck in the car with the only one gear…neutral. 

some might say that i have already started my life because i am living it right now. the logical part of me knows that is true, the less rational part says fuck you and be quiet. all i know is that i hope this doesn’t mean that i am indeed the last person on the planet to be employed and i so severely hope (just like i used to hope when i was a teenager that justin timberlake would somehow magically manifest at my door asking for directions for him and his fellow nsync band members) to be employable soon because in six months time, i will be the newest version of myself sitting in some corner talking incoherently, eating my hair and talking only to my dog. how do i know this? because i caught myself the other day asking my dog for her opinion on something. her response…she turned and walked away from me and i’m pretty sure i heard her mumble something like i don’t talk to people who don’t have jobs. 

i’m screwed if my own dog has an opinion about my employment situation.


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