Daily Prompt: Can’t Get Enough

9 Oct

i think i have had the worst habit of not getting enough of hurting myself. consciously, subconsciously. the whole gamete. the whole shebang. because when the chips are down, the easiest thing to do is to feel that much worse about yourself even if it’s not the truth or at least not the whole truth.

i have had the incredible ability to just heap pain onto pain, loads and loads of it. picking at the scab, running into the same wall over and over again, yeah…that’s me. don’t think that for one second that it’s something i WANT to do. it just comes second nature to me i guess. and it’s cause i have yet to feel the way i need to feel about myself. i have yet to forgive myself. i have yet to let myself just breathe and tell myself that i am indeed a very good person and i should be proud of said person.

it’s an addiction for me to feel a certain way about myself. it comes from a multitude of reasons why too. none of which i will go into depth on here but, know that it’s a long time coming for the reasons i feel the way that i do about myself. so that plays very much into the addiction of why i hurt myself. and it is a HUGE distraction from the goals that i have for myself. and the life that i want to live and the person that i want to be.

and it’s been to my own demise over and over again. it’s not something that your family, friends, or even professionals can get you out of. they are support, yes, and you do need them but, it’s about you making the decision that you’re not going to do that to yourself. i’m trying to learn that right now and it’s a hard lesson. this is one of those things that i can’t get enough of but, know that enough just has to be enough at some point.

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